The Life and Times of an Ordinary Person

Its now a week since my surgery and I stil feel like pooh, I hate it. I can barely walk for 20mins without feeling tired and being flattened for the rest of the day. The surgery in question was an Exploratory Laparoscopy meaning they sliced open my bellybutton and stuck a camera in I also have a small incision lower down but that one is healing nicely whilst my bellybutton is ruined. I needed the surgery becasue I was pregnant but when they scanned me they couldnt find it, so they took bloods and that suggested I was high risk ectopic so they did bloods 2 days later and because the hormone levels had risen they felt they needed to go in and have a look. So 18 hours and several hissyfits later Ive had surgery to be told that I had an early misscarraige and that Im no longer pregnant. Which I was sad about as I would have liked to have known that I had lost it. Still I wish I couldve seen the nurses dissapear when one of them had to tell me I had to stay till 7pm it was just coming up for 5 and I'd been told I could go home, however when Luke asked Can she go home and they said at 7 he said "Well you can tell her" at which point they all became busy and the only nurse not to have dealt with me came to tell me, she soon found out why no one wanted to talk to me but was nice enough to say there was nothing stopping me discharging myself. Which I did. The shoulder pain was worse than anything afterwards but thats because of the CO2 that was pumped into my abdomminal cavity was affecting my phrennetic nerver which goes from your diaphram to your shoulders and you feel it in your shoulders. It's now been a week and I still feel poohey Im trying to get up and walk around and do stuff but it wears me out and it feels horrible because I am generally a fit person and can take on everything at once and still have energy left over to party till 3am now I cant make 3pm without a snooze and I feel horribly lazy. Luke has been amazing looking after me and mum has been great too taking the little one for a most afternoons this week to give Luke a chance to do the cleaning and me a chance to rest and snooze they day away on my ridiculous painkillers, one makes me sleep and the other zones me out so far I dont know what planet Im on anymore. Oh well must get on even recovering surgery patients have things to do.

Woop woop :)

Well the woman who put the Devil out of a day job has finally been told where to go....after 2 bloody years of driving me crazy. Luke came home and I showed him my LJ and asked him now how do you think I feel?? I think he finally got it and text his mum (almost like dumping by text really but oh well) saying that she had really pissed me and luke off  and that he was fed up of all her lying and rubbish and that he never wanted to speak to her again. So of course she text back, claiming we owed her £1500 bollards is what I say to that, I never asked her for any bloody money and I sure as hell didnt sign a contract saying that I'd pay any money back so she can get lost. But what amazes me is that rather than be upset her only son has told her to jog on all she wants is some mysterious money...... Yeah cos that woman really cared didnt she. 

Anyway so thats that. 

I am soon to be starting college which Im really excited about, I'm going to be doing a 1 year Level 2 Applied Science, so I'm really looking forward to it, but dont start till the 10th and then they are only induction days before we really start on the 14th, seems like ages away!

And lastly a small rant about how guys can just always seem to put girls down. This actually all comes down to a game infact....Halo 3 and ODST because as anyone whos not been living under a rock on mars will know that Halo ODST is coming out the end of this month. Well when Halo3 came out I can admit I was pretty rubbish running aroound in random circles either looking at the floor or the sky. It has only been down to me keep trying to get just a bit better that I have managed it. Even my best mate  Claire got an Xbox because she got so into Halo3 and now also cannot wait for ODST. We follow everything just as much as the guys do. (Who by the way say that they were never rubbish and were awesome the first time they picked it up)

But apparently playing with your wife or GF to some guys is what must be shameful especially when your wife gets MVP over you or a better Kill/Death spread. Thats why they get arsey and dont want to play with you anymore, because is it just me or do other GF/Wives notice that when ur guy plays with his online friends he doesnt get arsey and plays the night away? But when he plays with his respective other half your playing away for an hour when he finally has his strop and signs out immidieatly without even bothering to tell you whats wrong.

I have already been informed that I will not be allowed to play ODST Firefight with my husband when it comes out as "its too hard for you girlies this is a mans games" (he didnt actually say that but its what hes thinking.) bascially its to hard for me and he wont let me play because him and his online friends will get the achievements and I 'll do what? Sit in the nearest corner as Dutch and paint his nails? Still he did say to me hes already been planning to play it when Im out.....Oh Really??? Well in that case then you'll either find it very hard to play when Im still at home every night or you wont see me for a week chioce is his..... and I know which one its gonna be......Anyone wanna go out??

I'm starting to loose the will to live...... well perhaps not entirely loose the will to live but give up on life, at least a little bit.
 
Ofcourse this all comes down the monster in law, you'd think after what happened at the wedding that would be it she would be burnt at the steak. (Short of it is that my monster in law went round and informed her entire side of the family, which is quite numerous, that Luke is not the father of Briar.....which is beyond rediculous)

So yes, Luke did not want to say something to her whilst she was in France, I thought fair enough he wants to go round there and yell in her face, I know I would. But oh no that was not the case, apparently when she rung up one morning on the way to work, he spoke to her rather normally and merely said
"What do you think you're doing telling the family I'm not the dad?" to which she immediatly backpedalled and said "Oh but I thought YOU had doubts thats why I said it."
"Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah" etc

Bascially he had quite a normal chat with her and in the end she's feeling like shes got away with saying something so hideously poisonous and I CANT DEAL WITH THAT!!!!!!!

She needs a good bloody telling off, but its never going to happen, I have to behave for the REST of my life and I will never get any satisfaction but this woman can say whatever the heck she wants about me and Briar it seems and a little chat later its all ok. Well its NOT! Its just bloody not! How dare she say such things about me and Briar and lie like that to Lukes family and to get off so lightly, you know why, Luke is scared of loosing that sodding money. Thats all this is about he thinks he's going to get all this money when his mother does the only decent thing with her life and end it, then he says we'll be ok and have a secure furture. Yes thats all well and good but if I'm in a secure unit becasue this woman has driven me insane, and the baby been rehomed with foster carers, then that moeny is going to bring you so much happiness isnt it, all on your own with no wife or child. I'm absolutely serious I swear to whoever that I will go mentally insane if I have to continue to have this woman anywhere near my life.

She is just so infuriating, I mean my god if I was to say some of the things she has said to me, to other people, I'd be recovering in hospital or just ostrasised from the community. But no her, oh no thats fine she can get away with it, because as Luke says "Its my mum thats just the way she is" Well I'm sorry but its disgusting behaviour and just shouldnt be allowed it really shouldnt, you just dont talk to people like the way she does.

She has hated me the minute she met me, and I know some people are going to say "Oh dont let her get to you, just ignore her blah blah blah...." But you know what NO I WILL NOT! I've got some arsehole, being hideous about me for two years now and Luke has not stood up for me once, and now she has made me out to be a cheating slag to his entire family, because Luke apparently isnt the father. And he just bloody lays down and takes it!!!!!! I want to rip her throat out because she is an evil woman and a fucking bitch to boot. She has no idea how people feel because she's not all there in the head and she seems to think she knows best, well if thats the case why did Luke practically move in with me after about a month (because he doesnt like her) why doesnt he meet up with her more often (because he doesnt like her) and why does he not say any of this to her because he wants that SODDING money.

Its madness I couldn't care less about this bloody money, I mean if I'm honest I have doubts that he's even going to get it for marrying me anyway, she's just going to tell him that he's getting it so he continues to talk to her. And that is what is going to really upset me that I will have had to have put up with this evil woman being aweful to me for all of my relationship with Luke and he's not even going to get the one thing he wants from her to provide for his family. Also if I'm honest if he does get that money I will A) be very surprised and B) I want £10,000 for pyschological damages to myself, because so far thats all this is, I'm putting up with it and driving myself mental, I'm surprised I haven't got an ulcer or a brain tumour the stress she puts me under. AND I'm NOT ALLOWED to do anything about it, because its his mother he has to deal with it, but he wont becasue of the money......Do you see the pattern here???

1.She insults me or the baby,
2. I get upset and ask Luke to say something
3. He says he will
4. But doesnt
5. I push it deep down inside me and a small piece of me dies
6. Repeat steps 1 - 5 for about 3 times
7. Uber Explosion of tantrumness because I am so frustrated I cant communicate how upset I am. 

I know this is uber rant, but I've tried explaining myself to Luke so many times (see above for results) but its like talking to a brick wall it really is, he just ignores how I feel and just thinks of the money. But like I said previous I will be institutionalised if I actually have to live like this for a number of years because IT WILL drive me crazy. 
Other people I talk to all tell me to rise above it and just ignore her....HOW???? How am I supposed to ignore someone being that horrible to me all I want to do is headbutt her? How? It just cant be done, because I am a rather highly strung, volatile and explosive person and just ignoring doesnt work. 

This is why I am giving up on life because I'm finding it too hard already to keep inside my skin, I feel like I want to explode and just lay down and die all at the same time. Whats the point of being alive and with someone when all they do is let their mother walk all over you and treat you like the dirt under the door mat. Theres just no point in me being who I am, I might as well just recede inside myself and just say "yes" and get on with everything and quietly go insane untill one day when Luke looks at me he realises my eyes are dead and I've lost the will to live and he'll have lost the person he married because of his mother...... But then he wouldnt care as long as he got that money. So theres no point in doing that then. Theres nothing I can do, apart from push it all down inside and go insane from the hatred. I know they say hate is such a strong word and nobody ever really means it but:
 I HATE HER, I HATE HER, I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do with a passion and anybody that says "oh no you dont your just upset" I will rip your throat out, from here because I DO MEAN IT.

I think I'm going to leave it there for now, I'm just repeating myself.
 

Me and claire have decided that people such as us the now being grown up and sophis we need to look grown up and sophis so as a masterplan we said we said go to our respective other halves and say "My love you know I am wanting to be taken seriously as a mature adult I therefore need much spondulies for shoes which will show off our maturiosity and grown up nosity..... Kthxbai"

Well in my new found wifeyness I have decided I should be more wifey starting with the way I look, I need to present my self in a more wifey manner, less of the teenage style clothes and more adult looking clothes if I am to be taken seriously as I will tell anyone who will listen (i.e not many people) people take people seriously if they look like an adult. As most people know I am far from acting like one anyone would think at times Luke married a 18 year old at times especially when I have a visit to Strop Land shortly followed by a nervy B. Which I have to say I havent had one since we got married hopefully this means that all my little tantrums were due to wedidng stress.... or maybe I'm just really happy that Lukes mother has finally shot her self in the foot in the biggest way possible now she has lit this fire under her arse I can sit back and watch it burn!!! :D 

Anyway so the nub and thrust of this ramble is that I plan to start looking more wifey but still in my own style I'm not totally turning into a sheep why else would I have blue streaks in my hair? And the constant preening and general reflection checking well that will obviously have to continue I want to look adult and a yummy mummy not a frumpy mummy. Which is as everyone knows deeply unattractive, Luke fell in love with me becasue I took care of my appearance and was proud to have me on his arm (Not literally you understand that would be tiring) and I still want that to continue just because I am married does not mean Im going to frump around the house in old track suit bottoms. No I am going to continue the upkeep that is myself and continue to have Luke proud to have me on his arm as a yummy mummy wifey :D

I have to say reading this anyone that reads this (i.e no one) will think I am incredibly superficial and care only about the way I look well that is not true, I care deeply about the way I look but I also love my daughter and husband to bits and want to look my best for them, as I know my husband tries for me, he wants to looks his best for himself and for me. And ofcourse the muffin looks gorgeous any way.

I also have some other news in the way of the wifeyness, in order to be a good wife and mother I have made the decision to go back to college and get an applied science diploma in order to have better chances of a great job to provide for us all the nice treats that I want to give my family.

So lets look forward to a new slightly sophis me and I cant wait to go back to college :D:D:D

Ok so recently I was invited to a house party, well me and Luke were but a) no bubysitter and b) I only know the guy whose house party it is and no one else so theres not much point in Luke coming beside he would be far happier in doors after a long day playing with reptiles to then be playing games on the laptop apparently this Eve game is dead exciting but so far all I've seen is mining and not much else, guys and games eh. 

So anyway tonight I will be stopping by said house party and most defiantly be a bit of a goosegog, at which point I'll leave after an hour and come home.....and play Halo......hopefully lol 

Well here I am finally Mrs Mair!

Me and Luke had a beautiful day on the 13th of August, it was a beautiful and everything went fabulously. It was a busy day that started at 8.30am I got up with the litte one and we had breakfast, me, my mum and two of my bridesmaids were due at the hairdressers at 10am so I thought time would totally drag and I would be fidgeting and waiting but ooooh no before I knew it we were off to the hairdressers. Aunty Ann and Kathy had kindly come over to keep and eye on Briar for us because grandad is not totally confident on his own. Once at the hairdressers the drama began.....

Firstly we thought the bridemaids were late turns out they beat us there, but then Teah told me that her mum (my now step mother in law) had falled off her horse Archie and had gone to the hospital to get checked out because her ribs really hurt and wanted to be safe than sorry. So one they had their hair done it was our turn, I asjed Sarah if their dad was coming to get them and she told me that he'd left his phone at home and their mums phone was off!! I didnt panic, however i think my mother was having an internal mental breakdown she was ore stressed and nervous than I was even the hairdressers said so. Any way I called Luke and told him the situation and said to called A&E and get a message to his dad (Luke, Sarah, Teah and Harley share the same dad) that the girls were ready to be picked up. Barely 10mins had passed when he came through the door and collected the girls and took them home to get ready, poor Carol was still in A&E but I was assured she would be out intime for the wedding (3pm). My mother continued to have her nervy spaz and I just waved it aside saying that Lukes dad would make sure they were all there and not let his son down on his big day.

We got home and barely had time to sit down when MON VATER arrived at the door :D with my awesome step mum Abi. My dad was very nervous which was very meaningful to me, he doesnt get nervous about anything usually. So we all sat in the garden for 5 mins having a drink and a ciggarette well except my dad I dont think he's ever smoked! Anyway then the lovely Stella turned up to do my makeup (I'd put a shirt on as brilliantly suggested by Linda as ofcourse you dont want your hair and make up done only to have to pull a tshirt over your head.) she was lovely and had been waxing me for months previous in preparation for the big dady and my god was it worth it, so much so I'm planning on keeping it up from now on. Anyway my makeup was done, my best friend Claire had arrived and was doing hers too, my mother was making an inordible amount of sandwhiches an coffee in order to keep herself busy lest she go completely bonkers.

Once hair and make up were done the flowers arrived and they were absolutly stunning and smelled gorgeous. The next step was to get everybody dressed.... now everyone got dressed apart from two ppl me and Claire! I ended up on cravat duty as neither my dad, step dad nor anyone in the house could tie one! Go me eh? 
We soon realised that with 20minutes to go before the car arrived me and Claire were still no dressed!!! MON DEUI! I hear you cry, well dont. Claire worked her magic and managed to get us both dressed with minutes to spare. Once we were both dressed we looked at each other and almost burst into tears but no crying allowed as it would have messed up our perfect faces lol.

Still I was not nervous.....Then I came downstairs was given my flowers and I literally began to shake from head to foot. I dont know what came over me I was absolutly fine untill I got in that car (which was also gorgeous btw) at which point I have never been so scared, nervous, excited and nauseous all in one go.

By the time it came for me to walk up the isle I thought I might cry, faint, be sick or all three anyway I made it up the isle, which had to be made extra wide because I had both my dads give me away and my dress was HUGE! Still shaking I looked at my husband to be and cried..... I couldnt help it I was so emotional after all the planning, the stress, the table plan I was finally going to marry my love and I was soooooo happy I cried, just about managing to pull myself together we began the ceremony with me losing it periodically throughout and even at one point when I was supposed to repeat "Of any lawful impediment" I merely looked blank and repled "What?" to great amusment of the congregation.

The meal and reception was amazing there were some more tears when I got up to speak and I managed to set off most women in the room. The day was perfect and I am just so happy.

I have to say though this married life is strange so far I haven't lost my temper with anyone save one stupid kiosk girl who bloody IDed me for god sake.... anyway yes I have barely lost my temper been up early and cheerful ost mornings and have been gladly doing lost of housework......there be magic at the root of this me thinks....

Righty ho, so tonight is my hen night...... not sure what to expect really, going for a meal first that should be quite normal, but I'm expecting to go to mayhem later on and just do what I do dance drink and get on with it, but unfortunatly there are tasks that I apparently have to carry out and it's not that I wouldnt be able too I just dont want to spend the entire night trying to get a pair mens undercrackers.



Yes ofcourse all the ppl on the beach blah blah blah blah,.... where was I

Oh sod it cant be arsed. Basically hopefully will be a good night and merriment should ensue after drinkage.

I was text at 11.30pm by the baby sitter who told me Luke had been brought home "a little worse for wear"

Bascially he was sooooooo drunk the entire entourage suggested he be taken home, he has random signatures on his body, his jeans are wet and the lid of the toilet seat is in several peices....... I dont know I just dont know. So I came racing home from the Brush to find him passed out in bed. He will have the mother of all hangovers tomoro best I look after him lol.

Still at least he's back and in one peice.... which is more than I can say for the toilet seat.

 

Right ok so I havent posted in what feels like years but never mind not much has really happened I am now a grade 2 fencer and assistance coach at my club :) ..... Oh apart from winning my wedding in March so me and Luke have been rather busy, not to mention Claire and her mum lol. We are due to be married in less than 3 weeks!!!

It is Lukes stag night tonight and I am really not looking forward to staying in and waiting for him to come home, well if he comes home, for the last couple of weeks the guys in the pub have been winding me up saying they are going to put him in a container to thailand or a post bag to scotland.... not sure whats worse. Either way I am dreading the thought of sitting in and waiting up untill the wee hours of the morning like 5am for him to be brought home, by the steam of his own legs or a poilce car I don't mind so long as an ambulance is not involved. I read far too many real life magazines and watch peoples horror stories of awful things that happen before weddings. Ofcourse the guys going know for a fact that if he doesnt come home I will personally make all of them regret it. Too much work has gone into my dress for them to ruin it. Still I would much prefer to go out, its a friends birthday and they are going to the Brush..... which is where I usually be on a friday. Ofcourse finding a babysitter is causing a problem, and I know if I ask my mother she will just say "Why dont I come round and keep you company?" whats a polite answer to that?I will just get wound up she will tell me to stop being silly and I will get the arse ache and she will leave in a huff. So I'm so not going there besides they never babysit past 10pm (How helpful I will have just arrived and will have to turn around and come home again).

So like I was saying its less than 3 weeks till the wedding and its all going to plan (I think so far) as far as I can tell things are going well we've done all the council business and what not its just a case of waiting for the day I suppose...... Ofcourse I cant help but feel that theres something missing.

Ah buggers I dont know all I know is I WILL be fencing the day before my wedding yes thats right you heard me I will be sword fighting the day before my wedding and I am more than confident that I will be fine..... becasue I am confident in my skills, if I didnt have that confidence then I would be worried but I do so its fine. 

Ok so haven't posted in a very long time.... havent be bothered to be honest.

Anyway me and Luke were talking the other night and we got talking about weddings amazingly, I always assumed that because the ring was on my finger Luke wasn't really fussed with the whole idea. To cut a long story short we came up with a budget and decided to get the ball rolling. We are visiting a venue tomorrow and with any luck we will be booking a date.... Wedding Gods permitting of course. Anyway once we're booked in we're going to start with the invites :)

When your babys favourite toy is a life size Gear of War 2 Lancer!!

Right havent posted in a while, much has been happening and not so much i.e couldnt be arsed. Anyway, last saturday I have my first ever fencing competition, I'd been really nervous about it for the last month or so. The night before I didnt get to bed till 1.30am cos I was nervous how very silly. Then I was up at 6am to get ready and be picked up bout 7am. I'd like to point out in that hour i showered an dressed and even put on my now sort of trade mark leopard print make up yes thats right to go to a fencing competition where I will get hot n sweaty and keep putting a mask on an off.
So I've got all my stuff packed in two bags: Plastron, jacket, breeches, lame (pronounced Laa-may no lame as in duck) glove, mask, chest protector, sword and body wire. So yes quite heavy lol. Got ready and was picked up at 7am, we all pilled into Joanne's Tardis Car (You would not believe the amout of fencing stuff she can get in the back of her car) then off to pitsea to pick up our last team mate Neal. Some how there was a mix up and Roger was ringing the wrong doorbell at 7.45am on a Saturday good job we werent in Bas he may have been killed. Anyways we eventually found Neal and he when in the other car with Graham our Epeeist, it was also his first comp so we could be a bag of nerves together when we got there.
Yes well it all started out so very well, we followed the Tomtom all the way to London, the comp was on the South side but its easier to go along the North side the cross at the Hammersmith bridge, which it what the tomtom wanted us to do. No Roger crossed at Tower Bridge and then the fun and traffic jams began. We had to be there at 9.30 for check in. Well it was close I can tell you. The tomtom was going mad trying to get Roger on the North side but he kept ignoring it and the poor thing kept trying to recalculate the route. I thought briefly had I been a tomtom I wouldve started swearing at him miles back.
So all getting a bit flustered and sitting in a bit of traffic when two car horns when off, one slightly higher in note than the other, and ofcourse me being me and forgetting to engage brain before mouth said rather loudly "Ah Tune!" which dissolved the car into complete hysteric so much so that roger could barely drive, an from then on its mostly repeated back to me and laughter ensues.

Anyways, got to the competion and got all signed it, by this point Im wanting to be sick (you know me Im fine Im fine all confident and such but actually feeling like I may faint) and Jo says to go an get ready and do some streches. So off I went to get ready, Im in such a fluster that I could barely get myself dressed properly, I manage to do it in the end and go back to Jo. (You can tell Im nervous when I keep very close to the wall and always head for the first person I know with my head down)
Then before I know it, its time for our fisrt match. (BTW our team mate Arianne was not helpful in the slightest getting abit huffy because she thought her team was crap an she really REALLY wanted to win. Ofcourse I thought it would be nice but that just wasnt happening)
In no time at tall Jo says "ok ur up" I swear to god my heart was pounding so hard it was hittin my chest protector, n it even hurt, I thought I was going to faint or be sick or both, I went white and I couldnt stop shaking, it was enough that ppl watching could see me shake.
I walk up to my opponent tested my sword, walked back to me line, saluted every one, put my mask on and ....... lost 5 - 1 .... well I got a point I was so pleased with myself. Course I was still totally shaking and full of adrenaline that when Jo gave me a hug I cried, not massively but I did.
After that I was sort of ok, still nervous, but Neal our other team mate, told to not worry an just have fun etc, and it was soooooo much better than what ari was saying. He really calmed me down an helped me concentrate. We carried on fighting and Jo was so very proud of me as she told me I was getting better every fight and I was becoming a proper left hander and I was using everything that Jo had taught me. :D
The second scariest point came when I walked onto the piste to be confronted by a 7ft tall Russian Olympian. He won (What did I or any one expect lol) but he and the rest of his team were very nice and great sportsman, even when they beat us 45 - 3 yes you heard me.

We were knocked out quite early to our shock cos apparently no one was meant to get knocked out quite so soon. Any way Ari was rather upset to say the least an got change and sulk out side for a bit. Then came to her senses I think when Roger had a chat. I would like to mention that our and another club are called Spartans so they do the call from the 300. I popped out side to have a ciggarette and was chatting to Roger and Ari and mentions the Sparta business and Roger said "The Spartans were just like the nazis" I would like to point out that Ari is german. I didnt not know what to say or do, ari just laughed it off and we all got change and went off to a pub called the White Horse, where we all had dinner by the river cos it was a lovely day, then spent FUCK knows how long trying to get back through the MIDDLE of London.

Great day all in all, I got more points than Ari (whose been fencing longer than me) and Jo was realyl dead proud of me :D and I am dead proud of myself :D

Hmm, in a funny mood as usual.

Its the day of the fencing comp tomoro and I'm nervous which is good I suppose. Gotta be up at 6am, I'd forgot 6 had an AM still nevermind I'll be dead by the time I get to the pub but oh well.

Erm not much else, still in random mood, did feel abit better but suddenly just blarg. Cant be bothered and allsorts really. Blarg blarg honk blarge. Backstabbing Cockbite. I dunno.

As some ppl will know Luke's been having a bit of bother with his ear, well it all came to a head last night (no pun intended I'm that funny this time of the morning).

Well he'd been having awful night sleep got sent home from work with a fever so I put him to bed and bout 5 of something he'd got up cos the bed was soaked from his sweat. When I got up about 9 i sent him back to bed, cos he wasnt going to work, an thought a few more hours would do him good. 

By 12 he hadnt woken an I was gonna have to get ready to go to out so i went an tried to wake him, for bout half hour i was trying to wake him up to no avail. So I though "Fuck this I'm calling someone" Not wanting to dive stright for an ambulance i phoned NHS Direct told them the problem what had been going on and stuff and that he refused to wake up, they decided it would be good to send an ambulance. So ofcourse just before they arrive he bloody wakes up making me feel like a complete idiot. But the woman on the phone said that the paramedics would still want to take a look at him. So in they come about 5 mins later. Briar is thinking "Brilliant - have you come to pay me attention?" Shes smiling and laughing and chatting away to them. One took care of Luke the other was rather interested in our lizards so I showed him the family. In the end they wanted to take Luke to hospital because of how he'd been but ofcourse he was a man "No I'm fine blah blah blah" So he hat to be persuaded into the ambulance and off he went.
I phoned my mum she came and got Briar took her home and phoned Karen for me. I raced to the hospital because I knew he didn't like them and might try to scarper. Luckily he was in to much pain to move and stayed to see the triage nurse and get painkillers. I bought him some food and he perked up abit. I popped home to make sure everything was ok and when I text to say I was on my way back, I discovered he had fucking scarpered and gone home becasue he didnt like hospitals and just wanted to sit on the sofa. I phoned him to try and get him to go back and that but he made the worst respond possible "My mums dropping round some painkillers for me" (I hate this wonman with a passion) So I said fine let your mother fucking look after you she obviously knows best (yeah bloody right she couldnt care less about her own son only when it suits her). He got upset but I hung up because i was about to smash up the phone. (Unfortunatly I get very angry very quickly when concering that woman and when ppl dont listen to me when they really bloody should. I'm also like my dad if u cant hang up, smash it up).
Any way my mum spoke to him and he agreed to go back. I went back home and practiacally dragged him back to the hospital with no sympathy what so ever. "But I dont like hospitals, I hate waiting. I didnt want to be alone, I just wanted to be at home" Was all I got all the way there. That and "Sorry". My thoughts? No one likes hospitals you dickhead, I didnt do all this for fucking fun and I told him if he was worried to call me, I really really wanted to punch him in the face at that point. (told u very angry very quickly).

So baack at hospital hat to go to back of que because the stupid bastard left. Anyways we get to see a doctor and he was really nice not like most A&E doctors, you know, "whats wrong, right ok take these see doc monday." He spoke to Luke like a proper person (unlike me at that point in time) and well tried to have a look in his ear but by this point, his ear was so infected and swollen that the ear canal had closed up, or become Stenotic. ( I'll explain the amusmant at the end) So his ear canal had to be opened so that the pus could escape other wise it would have started to come down his nose and throat. No one at Southend could do it so off to Chelmsford we went. To Broomfields, where Luke saw a doctor and he sucked all the pus out of his ear with a small impletment telling Luke "It'll feel funny but wont hurt" HA!!! If Luke had claws he'd been clinging to the ceiling. The stuff that came out was rank!!! But he said he felt better after. Slightly. Then the doctor prescribed him Antibiotics (Remember its Anti- Be- ohtics) and painkillers and anti-inflammatories. One of the pills is huge looks like a suppository lo! Before he left the Doc put a wick in his hear (an inch long bit of sponge sorta) to open the canal, well my god when the Doc had finished an left the room Luke's first words was " I've just been ear raped, felt like some one just stuck their dick in my ear!!!" Charming!  Anyway we went back to the waiting room and he was given a hot chocolate for his ordeal. Then we made our way back from Broomfield, (The lovely Tom took us, unfortunalty he is infact our very own Captain Slow) still he was really great to take us.

Lukes feeling alot better today, I suspect its the codeine he's not used to it, so I'm impressed he's still standing, but it has sent him a bit doo lally bless him, high as kite.


Ah yes the explaination well. When Luke was only a baby he had to have surgery for Pyloric Stenosis, which is when the pyloric muscle is too tight and wont allow food through to the intestines, so he had a surgey to correct that. Then the 2nd time in his life when he's had to go to the hospital he had Stenosis of the Ear..... Well I think its funny lol

CLAIRE HAS A BOYFRIEND!!! CLAIRE HAS A BOYFRIEND!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!

Ok plz dont think I'm being mean or anything, but my best mate always said that she had no time for relastionships blah blah blah blah blah.
Anyway a post has just gone up saying that her and her v. good friend James or Fantastic Mr Fox as he gets called, have officialised their relationship with a complicated and original handshake. I believe them its the kinda ppl they are an they are my friends lol.
They have been friends for ages and I think everyone has been able to see it coming except dear Claire bless her. Anyways I am so very pleased as Claire is ma bestest friend and James is a lovely guy. Although as I told Claire he hurts u I kill him lol. but nicely of course. She would do the same for me :)

Oh an also I got my sword on monday! I loves it! However he (yes u hear he) needs a special name for being my first sword. Any ideas?

This is what I found in the pub last night, I'm not joking!



Then we made them more comfortable lol!!!

As a few close people will know at the mo, is a difficult time of year, at this time I generally have the mega ump all the time and no one close to me can do anything right. I don't mean to be like this, but I dont know what to do with myself. At times I just want to kick, scream, shout, hit things and cry, but I cant I have to be strong an hold it together like always. I think that is what cause the problem in the first place, not talking about what happened to people. Mainly because the people who were supposed to be there (my family) were the ones that made me do it. So pointless because they'll never understand. They will just ALWAYS think they were doing the right thing. And feed me shit about it getting easier an bollocks, it shouldnt have to, I shouldve been able to talk to some one about what happened but no one in my family or professionally wanted to know. I only had (very) few friends that I could talk to but I didnt really want to becuase I didnt want them to think badly of me. I felt I was being judge and I hated everyone so that didnt help. I havent been sleeping lately which isnt good but this is what I ended up with after another sleepless night.: -


Its 3am.
I'm blind with tears.
I hate the world and have no fears.
I feel as though I should be dying, but I'm still here and yet I'm crying.
2 years since that time back then, and still my heart it has not mend.
They say it will get better in time, but taken from ME this life was mine.
No family there for me but friends, who were there until the end.
My only wish is they forgive me.
For I know I shall never see, the smilling face of my baby to be.
I feel as though I should be dying, I wish I were an not here crying.
This is the burden that I must bear, now and forever, year after year.
I hate the world and have no fears.
For what I've done.
Cannot be undone.
I'm Sorry.